I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
