I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
