he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize