I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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