Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
