it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
