LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
