We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
