In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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