Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize