did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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