I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
