i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
