Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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