tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
