Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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