First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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