I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They are going to name an STD after you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
