I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
