whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
