Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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