Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
