I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
