Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
