Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
