Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
