you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
