I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
