oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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