47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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