Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
