Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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