Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
