Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
