I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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