I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
