Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
