kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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