just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
