They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
