all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
