I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The uberlube is also flammable
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
