just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
