So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
