It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
