tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
