Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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