Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
