I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
