Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
