So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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