I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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