dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
