You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im part way to drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
