I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
