do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
