Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
