He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
