He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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