When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
