so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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