So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize