and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
