Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
