I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
