I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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