ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
