guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
