oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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