Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
